How to Help Your Dog Behave with Guests with Jeff Millman

The latest episode of "The Pawsitive Post in Conversation" podcast, number 54, offers comprehensive insights into a common dilemma for dog owners: how to effectively manage their canine companions’ behavior when guests visit their homes. Hosts Zazie Todd, PhD, a highly respected animal psychologist and author, and Kristi Benson, a certified professional dog trainer, welcomed acclaimed dog trainer and author Jeff Millman to share his expertise. Millman, known for his work in addressing complex canine behavioral issues, provided a science-based framework for fostering calm and appropriate interactions between dogs and visitors, covering everything from overly enthusiastic greetings to fear-based reactions. The discussion also provided a nostalgic look back at the foundational "bricks-and-mortar" era of the Academy for Dog Trainers, highlighting the evolution of professional dog training.

Addressing Common Canine Reactions to Guests

One of the most frequent challenges dog owners report is their dog jumping on guests. While often perceived as a sign of unruliness, this behavior, as Zazie Todd notes, can paradoxically be a "nice problem to have" because it stems from friendliness, albeit an overenthusiastic expression of it. Jeff Millman, author of "Triggers and Reactions: A Guide to Fixing Your Dog Behavior Problems," emphasizes a unified approach to various forms of canine reactivity. He explains that whether a dog’s reaction to a visitor involves jumping, barking, or even biting, the underlying principles for intervention remain consistent. The core objective, regardless of the specific manifestation, is to cultivate calm behaviors.

Millman outlines three primary strategies for addressing any undesired canine reaction: desensitization, management, and obedience training. He asserts that if an owner observes a behavior they dislike, it can be changed using these methods. This includes not just overt obedience issues like jumping, but also subtler signs of discomfort or nervousness. "If you look at your dog and say, ‘gosh, I sure don’t like that behavior,’ you can change it," Millman states, underscoring the broad applicability of his approach. The "trigger" in these scenarios is the guest’s arrival, and the "reaction" is the dog’s subsequent behavior. By understanding this cause-and-effect relationship, owners can systematically work to modify their dog’s responses.

The Principles of Proactive Training

For dogs prone to boisterous greetings, such as jumping, the discussion pivoted to specific obedience behaviors that can be taught as alternatives. Kristi Benson inquired about Millman’s preferred alternative behaviors for enthusiastic jumpers. Millman highlighted two highly effective and logical options: "recall" (calling the dog away) and "go to your bed" (sending the dog to a designated calm space). The key, he stresses, is to employ these commands proactively rather than reactively.

Proactive obedience involves anticipating the dog’s likely reaction and intervening before the undesired behavior occurs. Millman explains, "I’d much rather have my dog not jump on the next 10 people that come in and then have me have to say, ‘hey, don’t do that,’ than think, plan ahead, and as soon as they see somebody, ask them to go to their bed or call them away." This foresight prevents the "rehearsal" of unwanted behaviors, which can inadvertently strengthen them. Each instance of a dog jumping on a guest reinforces that behavior, making it more likely to occur again. By proactively redirecting the dog, owners prevent this reinforcement cycle and instead build a new, desirable behavioral pattern.

Zazie Todd questioned the practicalities of this approach, acknowledging that teaching a dog to respond reliably when highly excited can require significant practice. Millman concurred, emphasizing the importance of evaluating a dog’s response. A crucial diagnostic tool he employs is the "clicker test." If a dog, despite being called or given a command, cannot respond, it indicates they are "over threshold"—meaning they are too aroused or stressed to process and obey. In such moments, attempting to force compliance is counterproductive. Instead, Millman advises switching to management strategies, such as gently leashing the dog (ideally with a trailing leash for easy, non-confrontational access) and moving them to a calmer distance where they can successfully engage with the training. This methodical approach ensures that training occurs at a level where the dog can learn and succeed, fostering positive associations rather than frustration.

Deciphering Canine Body Language: Fear Versus Excitement

A critical aspect of managing dog-guest interactions is accurately interpreting the dog’s emotional state. Owners often assume all dogs should be friendly towards all people, leading them to misinterpret signs of fear or anxiety as mere shyness or disobedience. Millman provided a detailed guide on identifying indicators of fear or anxiety, which are fundamentally different from over-excitement.

The primary signs to look for, according to Millman, include:

• Freezing or Stiff Behaviors: A sudden halt in movement, or a rigid posture, often indicates apprehension.
• Quick, Jerky Movements: Rapid, somewhat startled movements, which Millman likens to "little rabbit steps," or a sudden jerk of the head towards the stimulus.
• Lack of Nonchalance: A departure from a dog’s typical relaxed, fluid movements when interacting with family members in a normal setting. Owners should observe their dog’s natural movements when comfortable (e.g., watching TV, moving around the house) and compare them to reactions when a guest arrives.
• Tail Position: A tail held low or tucked between the legs is a clear red flag.
• "Whale Eye": When the whites of the dog’s eyes are visible, indicating stress or discomfort.

These subtle cues, often missed by untrained observers, are vital for determining whether a dog is genuinely comfortable or experiencing fear. Recognizing these signs allows owners to intervene appropriately, shifting from strategies for managing excitement to those designed to alleviate fear and build positive associations. Ignoring fear signals can escalate anxiety, potentially leading to defensive behaviors, including aggression.

Effective Management Strategies for Guest Visits

When a dog is over threshold, or when training is still in progress, effective management becomes paramount for ensuring safety and preventing negative experiences. Millman outlined several practical management techniques:

• Leash on at the Door: A simple yet often overlooked strategy is to have the dog on a leash, perhaps a lightweight "trailing leash," when guests are expected. This allows for immediate, gentle control without needing to grab a collar, which can be perceived as confrontational by an anxious dog.
• Physical Barriers: Baby gates are excellent for creating physical separation, allowing the dog to observe guests from a safe distance without direct interaction.
• Designated Safe Spaces: Confining the dog to another room or the backyard can provide a temporary reprieve. However, Millman cautions against simply isolating the dog without preparation. If a dog becomes anxious when alone in a separate room while guests are present, it can create a negative association with that space and the sound of visitors.
• Proactive "Alone Training": Owners should practice leaving their dog alone in the designated "safe room" when no guests are present, gradually building comfort and positive associations with that space. This prevents the dog from linking isolation with the stress of visitors.
• Supervised Desensitization within Management: Even when a dog is managed in a separate room, a family member can be present to engage in desensitization and counter-conditioning. This involves giving the dog treats and praise when they hear noises associated with guests (e.g., doorbell, voices downstairs), helping to change the dog’s emotional response from anxiety to anticipation of positive rewards.

Millman emphasizes that management should always prioritize safety but also be integrated with ongoing training. The goal is to avoid creating a "double whammy" where the dog is both alone and subjected to anxiety-inducing sounds. By working on these issues "behind the scenes" before guests arrive, owners can foster a more comfortable environment for their dogs.

The Science Behind Desensitization and Counter-Conditioning

Desensitization and counter-conditioning are powerful, evidence-based techniques for modifying a dog’s emotional response to a trigger. Millman clarified these often-misunderstood concepts for owners.

• Desensitization: This involves gradually exposing the dog to the trigger (e.g., a guest, a doorbell sound) at such a low intensity that it elicits no undesired reaction. The key is to stay "under threshold." If a dog reacts negatively, the intensity is too high. The ideal response is neutral or happy. Millman illustrates this: "Nobody hires me to come over when their dog looks at somebody great, that’s not a problem. It’s the looking plus jumping, barking, or biting." Therefore, the goal is to keep the dog below the point where these undesirable behaviors occur.
• Counter-Conditioning: This technique pairs the trigger with something positive and highly rewarding (e.g., high-value treats). The aim is to change the dog’s emotional association with the trigger from negative (fear, anxiety) or over-arousal (excitement) to positive (happiness, relaxation).

A practical application Millman suggests for noise reactivity (like doorbells) is to record the sound or use YouTube recordings and play them at very low volumes throughout the day. The dog receives treats calmly while the sound is playing. The crucial evaluation point is whether the dog can calmly take treats. Any hesitation, or a more forceful "rougher" treat-taking, indicates the dog is over threshold and experiencing stress. In such cases, the intensity (volume, proximity of guest) must be reduced. This methodical, incremental approach avoids sensitization, where repeated negative experiences make the dog more sensitive and reactive.

The process of desensitization and counter-conditioning is not fast but is highly effective when executed correctly. Millman advises clients to avoid artificial deadlines, recognizing that every positive interaction, whether five seconds or an hour long, contributes to building a stronger, more positive relationship with the trigger. The objective is to create "good experiences" repeatedly, gradually increasing the intensity of the trigger (e.g., a guest moving one step closer, standing up) only if the dog maintains comfort and can take treats gently. This focus on small, methodical steps ensures the dog has a positive "beginning, middle, and end" to their experience with guests.

Evolution of Dog Training: A Paradigm Shift

The conversation also touched upon the significant evolution within the dog training industry, particularly the shift away from aversive methods towards positive reinforcement. Jeff Millman, a veteran trainer since 2002, reflected on these changes, noting the persistence of "old school" techniques like choke chains and shock collars. However, he observes a growing trend among trainers to be more vocal and assertive in their rejection of aversives.

Historically, dog training was heavily influenced by dominance theory, which posited that owners needed to assert their "alpha" status over their dogs, often through physical intimidation or punishment. Methods like leash corrections, harsh verbal reprimands, prong collars, and electronic collars were commonplace. However, scientific understanding of canine behavior, learning theory, and welfare has advanced considerably. Research has consistently demonstrated that positive reinforcement (rewarding desired behaviors) is not only more humane but also more effective in the long term, leading to better learning outcomes, stronger human-animal bonds, and reduced stress and aggression in dogs. Organizations like the American Veterinary Society of Animal Behavior (AVSAB) have issued clear position statements advocating for positive, reward-based training methods and condemning the use of aversives due to their potential to cause fear, anxiety, and aggression.

Millman exemplifies this shift by recounting his refusal to work with clients who are "absolutely adamant" about using punitive tools. While he is willing to guide clients transitioning away from aversives, he draws a firm line against their active use. This stance reflects a broader movement within the professional training community to uphold ethical standards and prioritize dog welfare. Zazie Todd reinforced this observation, noting the increasing public awareness and demand for reward-based trainers. This growing public preference has created a robust market for positive reinforcement trainers, demonstrating a significant cultural shift in how people view and approach dog training.

Kristi Benson observed what she termed an "extinction burst" among some trainers who still rely on aversives, characterized by "vocal… expressions of anger" and "unpleasant and unprofessional" attacks on reward-based trainers. This phenomenon, common in behavioral science, suggests that as an old behavior (using aversives) becomes less effective or socially acceptable, there might be a temporary increase in its intensity before it finally diminishes. Millman acknowledged that some trainers may be "panicking" due to a lack of knowledge in positive reinforcement, having only learned older, punitive methods. He stressed that while science-based training isn’t "rocket science," it is science, requiring specific knowledge and skills that can be learned. This open-minded perspective suggests that even trainers entrenched in older methods have the opportunity to adapt and learn new, humane techniques if they choose to.

The Enduring Legacy of The Academy for Dog Trainers

A particularly engaging segment of the podcast was the reminiscence about the Academy for Dog Trainers, founded by the world-renowned Jean Donaldson. Jeff Millman graduated from the original "bricks-and-mortar" program in San Francisco in 2002, while Zazie Todd and Kristi Benson are graduates of the later online version. This provided a unique opportunity to compare experiences and highlight the Academy’s lasting impact.

Millman described the in-person Academy as an "unbelievably wonderful" and "magical" experience, despite its intense challenge. With a journalism degree, he found the Academy’s rigor comparable, if not exceeding, his university studies. The program offered unparalleled access to Jean Donaldson herself, with five to six hours of daily in-classroom instruction. Donaldson, a pioneer in applying scientific principles to dog training, is celebrated for her systematic, evidence-based approach and her emphasis on practical skills. The curriculum included extensive hands-on projects, often involving dogs from the SF SPCA, where students tackled real-world issues like separation anxiety, aggression, and leash pulling. Students also taught public classes and participated in case studies, role-playing client interactions with Donaldson and fellow instructor Janis Bradley. The program culminated in a demanding six-hour final exam, underscoring the high academic and practical standards. Millman humorously recalled being the "nerd of the group," dedicating 12-16 hours daily to studying and practice, prioritizing learning over sightseeing.

Zazie Todd and Kristi Benson, as online graduates, affirmed the program’s continued challenge and high standards, including the formidable six-hour final exam. The online format, while offering more flexibility for students to fit it around their lives, still required rigorous engagement with exams, assignments, and video submissions demonstrating practical training skills. Both hosts expressed immense gratitude for the education received, with Todd noting that even as a psychologist with prior background knowledge, the Academy significantly improved her skills. The extensive reading list and intense curriculum, regardless of format, solidify the Academy’s reputation as a premier institution for professional dog trainers. Jean Donaldson’s influence, particularly her emphasis on subtle cues like "gentle treat-taking" as an indicator of a dog’s comfort level, continues to shape best practices in the field.

Implications for Dog Owners and the Future of Training

The insights shared by Jeff Millman, Zazie Todd, and Kristi Benson carry significant implications for dog owners and the broader pet care industry. First, they underscore the importance of understanding canine behavior from a scientific perspective, moving beyond anthropomorphic interpretations. Recognizing the difference between an excited dog and a fearful one is crucial for effective and humane intervention.

Second, the discussion champions proactive, reward-based training as the most effective and ethical approach. By preventing unwanted behaviors and consistently rewarding desirable ones, owners can build strong, positive relationships with their dogs while fostering confidence and good manners. The emphasis on breaking down training into small, manageable steps (desensitization and counter-conditioning) makes complex behavioral modification accessible to everyday owners.

Finally, the evolution of the dog training industry, highlighted by the Academy for Dog Trainers’ enduring legacy and the growing rejection of aversives, signifies a positive trend towards greater professionalism and ethical practice. Dog owners are increasingly empowered to seek out qualified, science-based trainers who prioritize the dog’s welfare. This shift benefits not only individual dogs and their families but also contributes to a more harmonious coexistence between humans and canines in society. The podcast serves as a valuable resource, equipping owners with the knowledge and strategies to navigate common behavioral challenges, ensuring that every guest visit can be a pleasant experience for all involved.